


Love the one you're with

by RocioWrites



Series: love the one you're with 'verse [1]
Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-02 21:10:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2826221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocioWrites/pseuds/RocioWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyouya was taught to take what he wanted by any means necessary. On the other hand, Tamaki taught him generosity and affection, and now it’s time to repay those lessons. So, much like the song goes, since he can’t be with the ones he loves, Kyouya should love the one he’s with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be composed of 10 short chapters (600+ words each), updated once per week. This was mostly something to work on while I’m out of inspiration to write for The Subtle Art 'verse.
> 
> As you can imagine, the other characters will show up but this will focus on KyoKao - if TamaHaru as side pairing or mentions of characters crushing on Tamaki and/or Haruhi bothers you, this fic isn't for you.
> 
> If you accept the previous 'conditions', please enjoy! I'm always open to constructive criticism and suggestions.

**1**

“You know, I've always admired you. The way you gave up Tamaki was really brave.”

“Are you drunk already?”

“No.” A pause. “Not drunk enough at least.” And he giggles softly, making Kyouya arch an eyebrow. Automatically, he scowls. “I don't have to be drunk to tell you this. I mean it. You gave up the person you love the most, that's admirable.”

Kyouya inspects the other. Reddish hair perfectly styled, impeccable clothes as usual. Drink in hand and alluring smile on his lips, Kaoru looks like a movie star in a premiere - or so Kyouya thinks to himself in the comfortable quiet of his mind.

“You do know this is Tamaki and Haruhi's wedding, right?” Kaoru blinks confused and nods. “And you're accusing me of harboring more than a mere crush on the groom. That's not nice of you.”

He takes a long swing of his drink and points with his chin towards the happy couple, surrounded by their best friends. Hikaru is fussing over Haruhi's white dress (the one both Hitachiins designed), Mitsukuni is merrily discussing about the huge cake they're having with a teary-eyed Tamaki and Takashi nods at odd intervals as if he's listening to both conversations.

“I'm sure you know this, but most of Tamaki's friends had feelings for the bride.”

Kyouya frowns. “That's different.” _Because Haruhi is a woman and society says that's acceptable_.

“No, it isn't.” Kaoru scoffs. “And even if that’s different. You gave up Tamaki _and_ Haruhi.”

And Kyouya wants nothing more than to shut the boy up.

Even though Kaoru isn’t a boy anymore, none of them are. They’ve all grown up, for better or worse. And Tamaki and Haruhi are meant to be together, to marry and be happy forever.

“I’d appreciate it if you stop accusing me of desiring both the groom _and_ the bride then.”

Kaoru laughs melodically. “It’s better than being accused of desiring your own brother, don’t you think?”

Kyouya feels a smile tugging at his lips, it’s bittersweet and it doesn’t match the mood of the rest of the party that’s alight with love and glee.

“What about you? Have _you_ given up on your crush?”

He pierces Kyouya with a sultry look and it makes his breathing halt, Kyouya remembers those eyes from their Host Club days but thought he would never see that look again – directed at him at least. Kaoru ignites flames wherever he wants to and Kyouya is quite weak when the loves of his life are getting married to each other and there’s no place for a forgotten Shadow King there.

“I’m not drunk enough to confess.” It’s the reply, tone low and dangerous. Kyouya knows how this night is going to end for him and accepts it wholeheartedly; he will worry tomorrow about what he’s done. “Get me another drink and we shall see.”

*

Kaoru is a dim light in a heavy ocean of darkness, his skin creamy and his flesh tender. He lacks Haruhi’s curves and Tamaki’s exasperating shyness but he does an amazing job all the same. Lips soft and demanding, hands that push and pull and caress and maybe Kyouya can pretend he doesn’t know this can ruin them both.

He stays the night and they don’t sleep at all, Kyouya is used to it but Kaoru is surely the best excuse he has ever had to pull an all-nighter.

When daylight comes, they dress up back again in artificial silence and half forced smiles.

Before leaving, Kaoru leans into him and kisses him softly on the cheek. It’s tender and caring and it undoes Kyouya utterly.

“I haven’t exactly given my crush up.” Kyouya looks those lips move and the smile they form isn’t fake anymore. “But I may be ready to.”


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

The first week after the wedding is a nightmare. Kyouya can’t sleep, can’t stand Tamaki’s phone calls, can’t think straight. He can’t ignore the others calling him to meet because they miss Tamaki and Haruhi a bit too much.

Kaoru is the one leaving voice messages. They’re all measured and you can’t tell by his intonation that he knows what’s wrong with Kyouya.

Hikaru is quite insistent and he doesn’t stop calling until Kyouya actually answers – it’s irritating. Mitsukuni is meticulous in his calls, something that shouldn’t come as a surprise; he’s testing, probing, seeing if Kyouya has crumbled or not. Takashi texts him now and then and doesn’t pressure him at all – which is a nice change of pace.

Tamaki calls every day (plus all the unnecessary e-mails) to tell him how the honeymoon is going, what places they’re visiting, _Haruhi says hi, I think time’s too short to do all these things!_

Then don’t do all those things, he wants to yell.

Second week isn’t much better but he gets to focus a bit more on his work. Haruhi somehow has managed to convince Tamaki that he’s only being an inconvenience by calling so much – and she lets Kyouya know this by a short e-mail the night before the second week starts. He smiles to the screen and imagines Haruhi reciprocating the gesture, nicely tanned and happy overall.

It is still a nightmare though.

*

“ _Hey, so Hikaru is worried because you don’t ever answer your phone? I told him it’s probably him, he’s calling you a bit too much, right? He misses them, heh. Thing is I told him you didn’t answer_ his _calls but, um, well, you don’t answer mine either so. Yeah. We’re a bit worried.”_ Kyouya smiles despite of himself. “ _Anyway. I gather you’re busy or something so I won’t bore you with the details of Hikaru’s idea – he really has too much free time on his hands without Tamaki or Haruhi, wow. And I never thought I would say_ that _. Um, no, well… hey, it’s okay you know. This is hard but it will be okay. I— it’s probably better if I don’t say much but, I’m here for you. For whatever you need me for. And I mean it._ ” The lump in his throat makes it hard to breath. “ _If you need me to stop calling, just say so and I will. But if you need me— like you needed me that day, I’m here too, you hear me? Don’t be so hard on yourself, please._ ” Kyouya laughs brokenly because he isn’t sure what he wants. “ _That’s— that’s it. Call me, okay? Bye._ ”

He deletes the voice message quickly and pretends he hasn’t heard it, he needs to focus on the paperwork first.

*

Kyouya doesn’t call. He texts back.

_Not really up for an all-together going out, Hikaru has the worst ideas when left alone. But I could use some of your company, if you’re free. -K.O._

Kaoru replies with a smiley face.

*

The red-head is waiting at his doorstep, literally. Kyouya blinks before actually believing it, but there he is.

“I see you’re free.” He says because he has nothing to hold onto except Kaoru’s compassionate eyes and it’s terrifying.

“I’m here for you.”

That’s ten times more terrifying.

Kyouya doesn’t waste time though, unlocks the door and turns on the lights before attaching himself to Kaoru’s lips as soon as they’re both inside the apartment.

*  
Fourth week starts with the younger Hitachiin waking up in his arms, smiling wickedly and waking Kyouya up with nips and heavy petting until he’s conscious enough to consent to the fabulous blow job Kaoru gives him out of the blue – it definitely tames his morning bad mood.


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

When Tamaki and Haruhi finally get back, Kyouya has already gotten that irritation out of his system – and all thanks to Kaoru.

Tamaki urges all of them to meet so he can show off pictures and gifts and then force Haruhi to model some of the clothes he bought for her. She sighs tiredly but complies nonetheless, smiling at the compliments. Hikaru and Kaoru go on full fashion designer mode at certain garments but in the end, it’s all fun and games because Haruhi looks lovely in everything she decides to dress with.

They all laugh freely and it feels like they’re back in high school, being careless teenagers with enough money and good-looks to buy the world. It seems Kaoru reads his mind because he laughs like he _understands_ and nods, _we’re still careless, and rich and attractive enough to buy the world now too_. Kyouya is amused and hides his smirk into his cup of tea.

Mitsukuni watches them and cocks his head childishly. “Did something happen between you two?” He asks not so innocently.

Kyouya’s heart beats faster in a vain attempt of hiding something, everything.

The question brings the others’ attention and Hikaru inspects his brother without reservation. Haruhi and Tamaki exchange a look of curiosity. Takashi, on the other hand, remains neutral.

“Something like what?” Challenges Kaoru and Mitsukuni stares at them both before backing down.

“You’ve become friendlier with each other!” He announces in the end, smile a tinge too wicked.

Hikaru doesn’t seem convinced but Haruhi proclaims it’s late and they should be going so his attention goes completely to bothering her for the last few minutes before her departure.

*

During the weekend, Tamaki organizes a fancy dinner for his business partners to celebrate- _something_. Kyouya thinks it has to do with the fact that the blond is happy beyond repair more than any other occurrence, but he attends nonetheless and watches him dance easily with Haruhi and any other female guest that reaches for him.

It’s disgusting how in love Haruhi is that she smiles all through the night without effort. Kyouya smiles with her because her face is completely lighted up and it’s beautiful.

At some point, Kaoru sits by his side.

Hikaru frowns at them while his brother gives him a hopelessly sweet smile and he shakes his head saying something under his breath before going to Haruhi and asking her to dance with him too.

“You’re here.”

And that’s how the conversation starts.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Kyouya wants to be offended at the accusation that he isn’t in top form to deal with _this_. Whatever _this_ is.

Kaoru shrugs and offers no explanation.

They sit in silence for a long moment, only watching the others flock around with bright smiles and restless feet.

He takes a deep breath. “That time you told me that giving up was admirable.” He gauges the other for a reaction. “But you did the same too, you gave up your happiness so others could be happy.” Kaoru snorts indignantly. “That was also admirable but for some reason you made it sound like what I did was even a greater sacrifice. Why is that?”

“I was drunk.”

“You weren’t that drunk.”

Kaoru shoots him an incredulous look. “Oh really?” He purrs, crossing his legs and leaning forward until he rests his head on his open palm. Eyes half-lidded, Kaoru reminds him of a sensuous devil.

“What happened that night wouldn’t have happened if you’d been really drunk, I can assure you.”

That breaks the enchantment, the serenity and confidence in the words leave Kaoru dizzy. His smile turns sad.

“I’m not drunk now either.”

Kyouya doesn’t need to be told twice to interpret that as the invitation it is.


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

Seeing Hikaru in the eyes becomes harder as months go by and they make a habit out of meeting to drink and then engage in sex. Kaoru laughs at him when he comments that every time Hikaru glares at him, he’s afraid the other has found out.

“He won’t. I’m not telling him.” Kaoru assures him in the richest tone possible, elegantly swirling his glass. The wine dances with each movement and he sways a bit too – Kyouya watches him enthralled. “Don’t worry.”

He nods; however, he will worry. Kaoru reads it all over his face and laughs again, melodically and a bit drunkenly.

“I thought you didn’t have to tell him.”

“Mmm?”

Kyouya sits right beside him, sipping from his own glass, thighs lightly pressing together. Kaoru smiles and leans back on the sofa, sleepy eyes peering at him with unrestrained curiosity.

“You’re twins.” He casually says. “Where did it go that trick of yours to be able to tell what is going on with the other one without using words to explain it?”

“Oh. That.” Kaoru grins at himself and drinks the last of his glass before continuing. “Not sure where it went. The trick I mean.” Kyouya arches an eyebrow at the way he leaves his glass on the small table only to stretch like some lazy cat, legs coming into full contact with Kyouya’s. “Probably it went to the place all broken dreams go once you’ve stopped being an idealist.”

The grin turns into something akin a grimace and it breaks his heart in pieces. Kyouya drowns that heartbreak in his wine.

“That’s deep.”

“You think?”

“Although I never took you for an idealist.”

“Ah. Of course.” He tilts his head backwards, resting it on the back of the sofa.

Silence lies upon them and Kyouya takes the opportunity to empty his glass too. Kaoru’s breath is even and barely audible, too still to be actually asleep but nearing that state of drowsiness. His features relax on their own accord and his right hand twitches involuntarily.

Kyouya represses the urge to hold that hand and bring it to his lips to leave chaste kisses on the fingertips. It would be weird and too intimate. They have sex only, they don’t make love – they’re friends with benefits, not lovers. He burns those sentences into his brain.

He knows better than to lie to himself and yet, he keeps trying. Kaoru snuggles closer and he sighs, moving the glass aside. If they were only having sex with no feelings involved, Kyouya would never allow the other to fall asleep at a time like this.

Right now, with Kaoru peacefully by his side, all he can think is that having an early night both curled up together in bed sounds excellent.

It is ridiculously corny and he hates himself for it because his guts _ache_ for that to happen.

“When?” Kaoru whispers suddenly, eyes closed and without moving an inch. “When did you realize I wasn’t an idealist?” Kyouya feels the warm breath on his neck at every word.

He could lie. He could say so many things.

“When you set up your brother and Haruhi for a date in Karuizawa.” He goes for the truth instead.

Kaoru nods and it brings him even closer. It shouldn’t be awkward for Kyouya, after all he has already seen Kaoru naked countless times, has heard him moan and has seen his face scrunch up in pleasure when he climaxes. And yet, cuddling seems too awkward for him to do.

That weird feeling in the pit of his stomach has him standing up in a hurry, trying really hard to come up with a rational explanation for all he’s been feeling since Tamaki’s wedding was announced.

Kaoru blinks owlishly at him and smiles sleepily. “Sorry, I guess I should go.”

What he apologizes for, Kyouya doesn’t know and won’t ask. Voice trapped in his throat, he merely nods and turns around pretending he’s busy tidying up the place in order to not see Kaoru go.


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

Job keeps him busy for far too long and Kaoru doesn’t call him. He’s tempted to text him now and then but desists even before grabbing his mobile phone. Something inside him has changed since last time they met – what exactly, Kyouya is still trying to decipher. But the way he’s been thinking about Kaoru should scare him a lot more than what it actually does.

He has all those nights together to analyze and yet, he’s stuck remembering the hidden conversations, the way Kaoru seems to _get_ him; he’s stuck in the graceful movement of Kaoru’s hands twitching near his own hands – he’s started to imagine what it’d be like to simply hold hands and let Kaoru fall asleep on his shoulder, even breath puffing against his neck.

And it’s silly really because he has sworn not to fall in love with anyone else – two unrequited loves were enough to last him a life-time, and Kyouya is bland enough that he accepts his fate, he accepts that Tamaki and Haruhi are meant to be _without him_.

Job keeps him busy and that’s his excuse as to why he hasn’t contacted Kaoru yet. But it hasn’t prevented him from overthinking everything. Job hasn’t prevented him from believing he may be falling in love once again.

*

Tamaki twirls around making faces to a picture of Haruhi in her wedding dress, smiling peacefully and brightly at the camera. Kyouya feels like stealing the picture if only to stop the blond from moving aimlessly around the room.

Haruhi shoots him daggers that he ignores so in the end, she sighs tiredly and stops trying.

Kyouya and Haruhi then decide to simply ignore the other.

“How’s the married life treating you?” He asks all polite.

Haruhi sips her tea. “It’d be better if I could hide the wedding pictures better. I just wanted to pick a few to give my dad but…” The end result is obvious. Kyouya nods empathetically. “Anyway, that’s not why I wanted to see you.”

“Yes?”

She inspects him while Tamaki is oblivious and Kyouya feels his heart quicken.

“Is everything okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not sure.” She confesses and leaves her cup. He copies the gesture and is now unsure of what to do with his arms. “I feel like you’re different somehow.”

Kyouya smiles at her and looks away, catching Tamaki’s eyes for the first time that evening. "I am not.”

But he lies.

*

_I’m sorry. –H.K._

That’s all Kaoru texts him next day. However, Kyouya is confused more than anything and pretends to forget the way Haruhi didn’t buy his lies.

*

Job provides to be mindless paperwork and he keeps his thoughts trained on a certain red-head and the sweet sleepy smile he can’t get out of his head.

Kyouya gives in and calls him during his lunch time.

“ _Oh hey._ ” Kaoru sounds shy and whispers harshly some commands to someone else.

“Hi.” It shouldn’t be awkward. And yet, it is. “Is it a bad time? Should I call you later?”

“ _I’m kind of busy right now._ ” He replies, cringing, Kyouya knows. A far away voice mentions something to Kaoru and he makes a tiny sound of frustration that Kyouya finds totally endearing. “ _Real busy, damn. We can talk later, I promise._ ”

“Okay.”

Kaoru takes a breath. “ _I really am sorry._ ”

He wants to say ‘what for?’ but it feels pointless now. “It’s okay.” It truly is.

*

Late at night, Kyouya wishes Kaoru was there with him – soft and warm beside him, malleable and delicious.

His phone rings but he ignores it.

That morning, he listens to the message.

“ _Your sacrifice was greater because you had the chance in your hands and let them go, you could have had Tamaki for yourself just as much as you could have had Haruhi. But you weren’t selfish, you helped them. Hah, who would know? Under all that cold-hearted façade, you are such a good guy Kyouya, you’re brave. I am not. So I’m sorry. I’m sorry I dragged you into this but— well, I’m not complaining of our time together but it has to end, right? Goodbye._ ”

He deletes the voice message with a hand wrenching his heart.


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

Mitsukuni hugs Hikaru like some small child would do, with all his strength and saddened in the other’s behalf too. Kyouya thinks it’s a bit over-the-top but the actual look of utter devastation in Hikaru’s eyes seems worthy of such comforting hug.

“All alone?” Tamaki tries again.

Hikaru nods, explaining again how Kaoru confessed to him about this trip he’s planning – “Some place in Europe, not sure where exactly yet.” he had said. A trip for self-discovery Kyouya assumes.

Haruhi pats his shoulder with compassion and affection. Behind the worry, they all probably agree that it isn’t a bad thing for Kaoru to travel some time alone; after all, that doesn’t mean he won’t call or come to visit for a few days, there’s no reason to believe he will simply vanish.

And still, that doesn’t calm Hikaru apparently.

To be fair, it doesn’t calm Kyouya one bit either. He could actually laugh about this if it weren’t for the fact that he isn’t sure what he’s feeling anymore.

“Kaoru said he’s planning the trip, not that he’s leaving right now.” Takashi points out reasonably and Hikaru nods, trapped still in Mitsukuni’s hold.

Tamaki’s eyes become glassy at the prospect of Kaoru leaving and he throws himself at the other two, hugging them and sniffling into Hikaru’s neck.

*

_You got it wrong, I’m not brave. –K.O._

He shakes his head disapprovingly and discards the possible text message. Why would Kaoru say something like that about him?

 _I always let the things I love the most go. –K.O._ he types next. He deletes it before getting tempted to send it.

“Is that why you’re leaving now?” Kyouya asks to the ceiling, silence only disturbed for a second or two.

No one answers.

*

Takashi and Mitsukuni waiting in his doorstep is definitely new. Kyouya greets them as manners demands, pleasant smile and moderate tone. He can already tell that Mitsukuni’s smile isn’t completely real and Takashi’s muscles are tensed in that way they do when he’s concerned.

“Can I offer you something?” He asks solemnly, leaving his briefcase in the kitchen counter and going for a wine bottle.

He pauses at the sight of his stash, he hasn’t drank anything since the last time Kaoru was here.

“Some answers would be great, Kyo-chan.” Mitsukuni presses, imposing figure in the doorway.

The Haninozuka may have stayed as the shortest of them all but that doesn’t make him less threatening if he wants too. And right now, he wants to get some knowledge to put the pieces together.

Kyouya smiles nonetheless. “It’s been quite a long time since you called me like that.”

Takashi blinks, surprised at the reaction. Mitsukuni deflates quickly, looking at Kyouya expectantly and bemused.

“Has it?” It’s adorable and Kyouya doesn’t blame him for being worried about Kaoru.

Kyouya laughs and how he has managed to get this far without breaking down is astounding. “I don’t think I have the answers you want.” He pops open a wine bottle either way, tonight he’s going to drink and fuck everything else.

“Ah.” But Takashi doesn’t offer much else and decides to fish for the glasses instead.

“Yeah. I imagined that’d be the case.” Mitsukuni finally declares and jumps unceremoniously to sit on the kitchen counter.

They drink and comment on how nice Haruhi and Tamaki’s wedding was and how much they’re going to miss Kaoru.

*

By the time they leave, they’ve drunk too many bottles for him to count but, to be fair, it doesn’t feel like it was _that_ much even though it has left Kyouya nicely buzzed.

He grabs his phone without thinking it twice – and really, why should he? – and calls the number he’s been itching to call.

“ _Kyouya?_ ” The surprised tone probably comes from the time it is more than who is calling so he nods foolishly to himself.

“I’m not brave.” He says. “At least, not braver than you; we both did the same.”

“ _Are you drunk?_ ”

“Slightly.” Kaoru snorts on the other side of the line. “That’s not the point. You said I could have had them if I’d wanted to but that’s not true. I’m not brave.”

“ _That’s debatable._ ”

“No, it isn’t.” He protests vehemently. “So you can’t admire me like you said – because I didn’t do anything admirable. I was a coward, I let them go.”

Kaoru’s breathing halts, he recovers quickly enough though. “ _Wasn’t that for the best? You had the power to destroy their relationship. And you didn’t – you still have that power and_ you don’t _. That is admirable. Letting them go was brave._ ” Kyouya is stunned silent. “ _Goodnight._ ” And he hangs up.

Kyouya blames the wine for making him forget momentarily that Kaoru said they had to end. In fact, he decides to forget that sentence forever, wine-induced or not.


	7. Chapter 7

**7**

Kyouya aches all over and notices that he has slept through the morning well until afternoon. He’s hungry and wants a warm shower.

He fell asleep on the couch clutching the mobile phone for dear life – Kaoru whispering “Goodnight” to his ear still present in this half state of numb consciousness.

His weekends have never started as pathetic as this one, he’s sure of it. However, he can’t bring himself to reprimand his lifestyle when he’s been feeling this dull far too much for being healthy.

And as sudden as the realization comes, he accepts it wholeheartedly because _yes_ , Kaoru makes him feel alive.

And isn’t it fun? Before, Tamaki was the one making him feel that way.

*

Hikaru whines pitifully and lists all the places Kaoru has been looking into – courtesy of him checking the internet history of the younger twin’s personal computer. Haruhi scowls at him reprovingly but it does nothing as he claims that Kaoru will be leaving soon.

Mitsukuni, Takashi and Kyouya wouldn’t say their grimace is a direct result of a hangover but Hikaru sounds unnecessarily loud at this early hour of the night.

Tamaki is a merciful being so he hugs Hikaru and assures in vain that things will be okay.

Haruhi gasps out of the blue, looking to the other side of the bar. “Oh. Um. This is going to be awkward.” She announces and everyone turns to see what has her declaring such a statement.

At the sight of Kaoru entering the place, a tall model-like guy guiding him with a hand dangerously low on his back, the rest has to agree. Kyouya doesn’t know if the spike of heat inside him is excitement at seeing the red-head or jealousy at seeing him with other guy.

Tamaki and Hikaru automatically duck under the table making Mitsukuni laugh – because really, who does that? Haruhi is aggravated at first but when Mitsukuni starts laughing and Kyouya and Takashi grin so amusedly, she has no other thing to do than start laughing herself. It’s impossible that Kaoru wouldn’t notice them.

“Guys?” He squeaks once he’s at a reasonable distance.

“Hi.” Takashi says because he’s the only one who has sufficient restraint to actually speak.

The table moves and voices come from under it and the guy with Kaoru looks at them suspiciously only fueling Mitsukuni and Haruhi’s laughter. Protests can be heard and the cover is blown so spectacularly that it’s comical.

“I know you’re there Hikaru, dear God come out, be an adult.” Kaoru calls, voice stern. Both come from under the table looking ruffled and sit down again, a guilty expression on their faces. “These… are my friends.” He introduces one by one now that they’ve stopped laughing, a painfully tight smile in place as if he’s reconsidering such a title for these fools. “This is Hiro.”

Ah, no special mention for him. Kyouya gloats on this fact, which is kind of sad to say the least. Kyouya can’t sit still, he hasn’t been near the other for what it seems to have been centuries and _god_ , his body _craves_.

The intensity of his look must have been impressive for the guy, Hiro, to pick up on it before Kaoru himself. Maybe this is giving him away but Kyouya can’t help it, much less when he’s been deprived of Kaoru for so long.

And then it hits him, that maybe he’s too late or that maybe Kaoru doesn’t reciprocate his feelings.

“I was feeling lonely because you had a date, that’s all!” Hikaru exclaims and crosses his arms over his chest. But Kaoru is looking at Kyouya now and it’s awkward like Haruhi said it’d be.

Whatever feeling there was, it’s gone too soon for Kyouya’s liking and Kaoru is back to cheerfully exasperated in less than two seconds. “Oh I’m sorry, brother of mine, have I been neglecting you?”

They strike a pose and hug closer, whispering arising all around. The guy looks freaked out and Kyouya smirks at him when he retreats silently, mumbling “I gotta go” in a hushed voice. Kaoru doesn’t mention him when he notices he’s not there and sits with them instead.

The night goes better than planned from then on.


	8. Chapter 8

**8**

Kyouya debates with himself if it’d be wise to ask Kaoru who that guy really was – or if he’s been with other people while they… they what though?

It’s silly to be honest.

He made the decision to let Tamaki and Haruhi go. It seems fate has made the decision for him this time around.

And Kaoru is blind enough to call him ‘brave’ and ‘admirable’.

*

Haruhi isn’t much of a coddling person so he knows she wants to make sense of what’s been happening when she shows up at his office.

Kyouya offers her something to drink and to sit on the couch so this won’t look so business-like, she hates that. She refuses the drink but sits where indicated.

“It’s Kaoru, isn’t it?” She questions as soon as Kyouya has stood up from his desk chair.

It freezes him on the spot, eyes going slightly wide, mouth slack. He clears his throat. “Excuse me?”

“Something happened, between you two. That’s why you’ve been acting different and Kaoru’s been thinking of travelling.” She’s direct and the accusation makes his knees tremble. “Am I wrong?”

“That’s not-” He wants to confess though. He wants to sit by her side and let everything flow until he has no more things to tell her. What a dangerous thought. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not the reason for Kaoru to leave.” He answers at last, voice obligingly steady.

Haruhi remains as silent as unbelieving but there’s nothing Kyouya can tell her right now.

*

After all the no-nonsense attitude Haruhi delivered to him, Kyouya is tired of this self-pity hole he let himself fall in – it’s a disgrace, really. An Ootori, getting drunk by himself, thinking of the loves that couldn’t have been and lying to himself about the one that still could be; _pathetic_.

He’s a coward, fuck, Kaoru isn’t right about this. Haruhi is though.

Things are getting out of hand for him and he needs to fix this; somehow, there must be a way to fix it. To fix him? No, no, that’s not it. He needs to make things right, that’s it. He needs to be able to tell Kaoru what he feels now, he needs to be able to come to terms with his feelings for once instead of running.

_Wasn’t that for the best?_

Yes, leaving them was. However, this now… this is different. Haruhi is right, he is different.

He leans back on his bed, head resting against pillows that have lost Kaoru’s smell.

Kyouya desperately needs to be able to hold Kaoru close and kiss those lips again and again and pretend they never simply fucked out of lonesome. There was a spark there, he knows – and the spark chased the darkness away and it became a huge flame to warm his whole existence.

And if Kaoru gets him thinking all this poetic babbling because he _needs_ the other so much, then he has to act on it.

Closing his eyes, he idly wonders if things would have been different if he had let Kaoru sleep in that time – mute agreement be damned.

*

Hikaru blinks at him, confused and a bit worried. “Is everything okay?”

It’s not an everyday occurrence to have Ootori Kyouya visiting you out of the blue with a beatific smile that creeps the hell out of Hikaru to be honest.

“It is.”

He nods slowly, intrigued. Kyouya’s eyes soften, understanding that the idea of Kaoru travelling by himself has the other in a bad mental state.

“So…” Hikaru drawls, not sure what to say.

They _are_ friends, it’s just that they never have too many conversations by themselves – Tamaki has brought and kept them together, but not every friendship is at the same stage.

“I wanted to talk to Kaoru, if he’s here.” Kyouya declares politely.

A sensitive topic, he notices when Hikaru squeaks.

“Um, sure. He’s in his room. You know where that is?”

Strangely enough, no, he doesn’t. Every time they met, it was always on Kyouya’s apartment – more privacy, mind you. And really, he didn’t even know the twins have separate rooms now.

Hikaru interprets his silence and guides him, leaving him to knock and introduce himself to Kaoru as he wishes.

He knocks, heart beating fast.

Kaoru opens the door promptly and he watches the other fascinated, as if it’s the first time he sees Kyouya. It pretty much can be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jsyk guys, I'll be on a one week trip so next Friday I won't be able to upload the next chapter. But worry not, after that, I'll be back to post what's left of this fic :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, here's the new chapter! We’re so close to the ending omg!

**9**

Kaoru sighs, a half sad smile on his lips. He moves and lets Kyouya come in, closing softly the door after him.

The room is in a state of complete chaos, clothes everywhere, books and papers scattered here and there. Kyouya can barely see where the bed is supposed to be; however, he identifies it quickly as a huge suitcase is resting on it, clothes being sorted out to decide what to pack.

“Look, if you’re going to give me a speech—”

Kyouya turns on his heel as soon as he hears the other starting to speak. He shuts him up with a deep kiss, taking the chance to let his tongue wander in the open mouth. Kaoru gasps in surprise at first, but then grabs Kyouya closer, a soft groan of satisfaction stuck in his throat.

He backs the red-head against the nearest wall, hands roaming that body he knows so well by now, trying to make up for all this wasted time without seeing each other.

“Oh. Well. No speech, huh.” Kaoru pants out of breath when the kiss breaks apart.

Kyouya doesn’t move away an inch, and the hands gripping his shirt tightly doesn’t want him to either.

“Letting the people you love go isn’t brave nor admirable, it’s foolish, it’s cowardice.” He says, feverishly convinced, days of abstinence making it hard to focus. “But what’s in the past must remain there. The present is a different matter now.” He smiles when Kaoru’s eyes widen in sudden enlightenment. “I gave them up. I don’t want to give _you_ up.”

It’s the closest to a love confession Kyouya can manage having Kaoru plastered on his front, both bodies vibrating with _want_ and anticipation. It’s all it’s needed.

Kaoru laughs softly, out of happiness it seems and Kyouya’s smile threatens to split his face in half. What a silly thing it is to be in love.

“I still think you’re brave and admirable.” The other whispers, hands coming to cup his face, eyes oh so tender that Kyouya thinks he’s going to break into a million pieces right within Kaoru’s grasp. “But please, don’t be brave anymore. Don’t give me up – and I won’t either.”

Kyouya can compromise on that. So he leans down to seal the deal with another kiss, Kaoru lifting a leg to hook on Kyouya’s hip and seriously, it’s been too long since last time. Kaoru practically mewls against his mouth and there’s a second of clarity where Kyouya worries someone might heard them but then, what does it matter?

Nothing. It matters nothing when Kaoru is pushing him towards the bed.

The suitcase digs on his back painfully and Kyouya groans frustrated. Kaoru laughs at him when he finally gets tired of being pressed against the offending object and sends it flying somewhere to the other side of the room.

“You’ll help me pack later.” Kaoru says mischievously. At this point in time he can probably get Kyouya to promise him the entire world and more.

He doesn’t answer, instead flipping them so he can be on top of Kaoru, the messy tangle of forgotten clothes making it quite a task. Kaoru laughs freely again, captivated by Kyouya’s heat and fervor and it _excites_ him. He moans even without realizing it and _god_ , he wants to stay quiet for his brother’s sake but Kyouya _is_ talented.

Kyouya pauses in the middle of undoing Kaoru’s pants, suddenly motionless. “You…” He starts, voice mildly worried. Kaoru blinks at him, doubtful of what’s up with the other.

“Mmm?”

“That guy- Uh, Hiro was it? That guy and you…”

 _Oh_.

Aw, seeing the jealousy and adoration dance in those gray eyes it’s just _so_ cute. Kaoru wants to laugh it off but Kyouya seems serious about this so he hooks his fingers in the belt loops of the other’s pants and plants a sweet kiss on his cheek.

“We did nothing but hang out, don’t worry.” He smiles and takes stride-on the task of undressing Kyouya. “I know you’re a possessive lover and I like that so take it easy.”

“I’m not possessive.” Kyouya hisses, offended.

Kaoru does laugh this time. “Yes, you are.” He sing-songs and cuts any possible reply off of Kyouya’s mouth by sneaking his hand into the other’s underwear and stroking him animatedly.

After that, coherent sentences aren’t needed anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, as promised, here's the end. Hope you've enjoyed the ride as much as I did. Thank you all for reading, leaving kudos and commenting.

**10**

Hikaru and Tamaki both have glassy eyes, tiny tears escaping Mitsukuni’s eyes too. Haruhi is pressed between the blond and fake brunet, Takashi holds Mitsukuni’s hand beside them.

“Stop that, please.” Kaoru begs somewhat amused.

Kyouya’s smile is barely there.

The airport is full of people coming and going and if they start ugly-crying, they’ll make a scandal they can’t actually afford due to their important positions.

Kyouya shoves his hands into his pockets, watching the line to Kaoru’s flight move fluidly.

Hikaru releases Haruhi to give Kaoru the strongest hug he can, murmuring things to his brother’s ear. Kaoru nods, hugs back and whispers his own words in return.

“Don’t forget about us!” Tamaki mentions dramatically but kind of subdued and hugs both Hitachiins to him.

Haruhi shakes her head permissively and looks at Kyouya for a moment. He smiles at her, peaceful features all over his face, body posture as relaxed as possible. She arches an eyebrow at him but before he can even make a gesture of his own, Tamaki has pulled her into the hug too.

“Kaoru is an adult too, you know? Stop being this clingy or he’ll have a harder time going.” She chastises, but kisses him on the cheek with eyes that tell him to not forget where he belongs.

“Come home soon, Kao-chan!” Mitsukuni prompts and hugs him tightly when Tamaki finally releases them.

Takashi ruffles his hair with a sad smile. Kaoru smiles at him and, standing in the tip of his toes, gives him a chaste kiss on the lips. Takashi becomes a violent crimson red that makes the others laugh.

The line has disappeared already and Kyouya tilts his head towards the now empty entrance to go aboard.

There’s a moment of silence passing between them, the rest of the chatting becoming dull and far away. Haruhi holds her breath and Mitsukuni and Takashi stay expectant, waiting to see what’ll happen. Hikaru and Tamaki are kind of oblivious.

“Kyouya.” Kaoru says, all serious tone but the huge smile betrays him. He clutches his personal bag to his side.

Haruhi sucks in a breath and Mitsukuni breaks into an impossibly wide smile.

“Kaoru.” Kyouya bows minutely. “You should get going.”

“Mmm-hmm.” He hums, watching over Kyouya’s shoulder the blue-uniformed girl smiling at them as if she’s waiting for them to finish with this ridiculously long departure act. “Yeah. You should too.”

Tamaki is startled.

“What?” Hikaru demands, grabbing his brother’s wrist.

“Oh? Did I forget to mention it? I’m taking some time off and decided to join Kaoru in his trip.”

Tamaki doesn’t lose his jaw because it’s attached to his head. Mitsukuni giggles and it sounds like he’s still a school-boy. Hikaru grumbles something, Kaoru shaking his hand off.

“You didn’t even bring your luggage.” Tamaki says pitifully. Haruhi takes him by the hand so he can’t grab Kyouya.

“I did. You just didn’t see me with it.” He came early for a reason.

Kaoru laughs good-naturedly and Kyouya smiles so openly bright that it takes Tamaki and Haruhi’s breath away. This is it, she thinks, this is the _different_ she noticed. She smiles at them.

“Have a safe flight, Kao-chan, Kyo-chan.”

“Bon voyage.” Tamaki wishes them in a small voice.

“Come on, don’t look at me like that.” Kaoru pleads with Hikaru and he finally nods and hugs him again. “I’ll call once we land, okay?”

*

Flights are not Kaoru’s favorite thing, but he guesses this is as good start as any. There’s a long distance ahead but they’re anxious to travel it. He cuddles beside Kyouya, making the other stop reading his book and look at him.

“Something the matter?”

“No. Everything’s fine, don’t you think so?”

Kyouya takes a few seconds to consider it and Kaoru looks petulantly at him as if saying ‘Are you serious here?’. He leans down to kiss the pout away.

He’s serious here, he’s not giving love up this time.

**Author's Note:**

> "Love the One You're With" is a 1970 single by folk rocker Stephen Stills. Stills wrote the song after being inspired by the tag line "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with" which was a frequent remark by musician Billy Preston. Stills asked him for permission to use the line in a song and Preston agreed immediately.  
> Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_the_One_You're_With


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